Film fans may hate me for saying this, but this upcoming winter looked like it would be just as cold at the box office as the temperatures outside. From Peter Jackson’s 48 frame-per-second adaptation of the first third of The Hobbit, and a new adaptation of Les Mis, nothing has really caught my eye. Sure, Quentin Tarantino’s new film is coming out, but I planned to save myself $10 by looping myself shouting “fuck” on my iPod while playing Grand Theft Auto.Â
But there was one diamond in the rough: Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Luhrmann, the academy award nominated director of Moulin Rouge!Â showed the world that he could craft great tales of bohemian young love and socioeconomic class struggles; thus, making the 49-year-old director the perfect choice to direct an adaption of that classic novel we all were forced to read in middle school English.
My original response to the trailer could best be described as a nerd-gasm: the mise-en-scÃ¨ne was ornate and spectacular, the cast was perfect and star-studded, and the film seemed to have a aura of class and sophistication around it:Â just as that film should. But now, fans of the book are left to deal with their huge case of “anticipointment,” as the film’s release was delayed until Summer 2013.
The press release issued by Warner Brothers explained that film needed more time so Luhrmann could finish up the film’s 3D effects and the composer of the project, Craig Armstrong (who also composed for The Moulin Rouge!), could finish his original score.Â To be fair, those are serious aspects of the film that need time to complete, but I still can’t help but feel upset that I have to wait another six months extra to see this movie. Therefore, I share with you, dear readers, my list of five things to do to pass the time until we finally see The Great Gatsby:
I will most likely be the first of my friends to see the movie, and I can already anticipate people asking me how the movie was. I want to be able to tell them with 100% certainty, with both the novel and the book fresh in my mind, that, “the novel was better.” Books that I like are rarely translated into film, which means I’m usually not the guy who gets to use the “the novel was better” line, and I look forward to every bit of literary elitism I can squeeze out of this release.
Also, If any major filmmakers who happen to read this blog would like to adapt other books that I’ve read, like any David Foster Wallace books or Noam Chomsky essays, I’d be more than happy to tell my friends that your films were also subpar to their literary equivalents. But don’t let that hold you back from finally adaptingÂ Infinite Jest to film.
2. BUILD UP A TOLERANCE TO GRAIN ALCOHOL
It was decided upon my first viewing of the trailer that to experience this film in true 1920’s style, I would have to bootleg in some grain alcohol. The only problem with this plan is Everclear is 190-proof, and with my usual alcoholic orders being either PBR or a cosmo (no, really. I love cosmos), I’ll probably get quite drunk. It’d also be smart to exhibit a certain amount of class while watching this film, and it’s very hard to look classy while being escorted out by the police for public intoxication. I only know this from experience, and I’d just like to say I apologize to everyone who was at that TGI Friday’s when I gained that experience.
3. FIND THE PERFECT GIRL FOR THE PERFECT PICKUP LINE
Imagine you’re a girl, or if you are already a girl, imagine I’m standing across from you in a bar. Now, imagine I pull two tickets to an early screening of The Great Gatsby out of hammerspace. Then, I look you straight in the eye and whisper seductively, “hey babe. Would you want to be the Daisy to my Jay?” If you’re not already turned on, there’s clearly something wrong with you. The only way this won’t work is if it leads to a thought-provoking conversation about Jay’s character, and questioning whether Jay loved Daisy, or if Jay was a chauvinistic bastard who only used Daisy as a status symbol. I’ll just cross my fingers it works.
4. LEARN TO DANCE THE CHARLESTON
While I know that the film is not going to allow dancing in the aisles the same way The Rocky Horror Picture ShowÂ accommodatesÂ it, I still plan to become more in tune with the music of the 1920’s. And what better way than to learn the dance! There are also the added benefits of learning a dance move that is not skanking (the dance traditionally reserved for ska shows) and losing some weight, which will help me with that pick up line from before.
5. WATCH SOME NETFLIX INSTANT
If the wait for the film is an extra 6 months (roughly 180 days), then I can watch 2,880 films on Netflix instant to kill the added time I will have to wait for this film. So beginning on Christmas day of this year, I will begin watching 2,880 movies. If you would, in solidarity, like to join in but don’t know where to begin, here is a whole list of great films you can watch on Netflix:Â http://cinedork.com/2012/
And no, I have no shame.