Posts tagged blown away

Review: Haywire

In Hollywood there are many different types of action movies. From the huge blockbusters with tons of money and lots of CGI. Then there are the independent-ish type of action films. Still large-budget action films that push a creative spin on things. (Hannah, Kick-Ass) Then there is Haywire, a film that feels like you are in stop and go traffic. Where at moments you are blown away by its style, craft, and pure rawness and at others bored to death (I miss you already Bored to Death)

As basically a Bourne Identity with a female lead, Haywire follows Mallory, (Gina Carano) who may look familiar from her time on American Gladiators, a rogue agent who is double-crossed by her agency. Now she’s on the run and fighting for her life back. Okay… So it really is a female lead Bourne movie….. Director Steven Soderbergh (The Girlfriend Experience and all the ‘Oceans’ movies) through raw and violent cut scenes creates heart-pounding thrills in every single action scene in the film. The problem here is that everything in between lacks any sort of craft. Gina may be an excellent fighter (and her boobs will keep anyone distracted) but her pure lack of acting talent and emotion keeps the audience from giving a shit. At times in the action scenes you don’t care if she gets away, you are only just sitting there enjoying the fight. Gina is so bad that she made Channing Tatum’s acting look great and holy shit is that an accomplishment. Even with Michael Douglas, Ewan McGreggor, and the Shame-less Michael Fassbender Gina’s lack of skill brought the whole film down on top of her.

As action scenes go, this is where Haywire really shines. They are creative, rough, and will keep your jaw dropped to the floor. If anything you see this year could be classified as an Action-porn this is it.

For those who enjoy the fighting and the action you won’t be really disappointed. Maybe slightly though. Haywire is a good watch. For anyone who expects any more than an action flick with a crappy plot and crappy acting you will be highly disappointed. And yes….. I did expect more.

6 famous actors can’t make up for one shitty one out of 10

Review: Final Destination 5

These films are all the same….. Same format, same bad acting, same bad plot, but what makes Final Destination 5 work is that they took it all to the next level. EXTREME!!!! MOUNTAIN DEW!!! FOOTBALL!!! SAUSAGE!!!!

The premise of these movies, if you aren’t familiar with them, is that there is an elaborate death sequence at the beginning of each film in which every main character dies. This is then shown to be a “vision” in which the main character sees the future. Afterwards he goes and grabs a bunch of his or her friends and saves them from the impending disaster. Soon death comes to kill them all because “there isn’t enough room for them on the earth”

I remember watching the first few Final Destination movies and being blown away by the violent death sequences that always took you by surprise. A character would die in the most elaborate and creative way that would not only shock the viewer by how violent it was but by how it happened as well. But now, audiences expect that. So how do you fix that? Take it further and they totally fucking did.

This film was made for 3D and it bleeds it, literally. The deaths are all designed to pop out at the audience like a heart sticking out while resting on top of the sailboat or an iron stick stabbing through someones eye and into the audience. Even without that 3D even this film retains a healthy level of violence but with the 3D it really shines. There are mass amounts of blood and gore for any horror fan. I don’t remember seeing a horror film in ages that had the audience going as much as it did with Final Destination 5. Their excitement is what makes a film like this worth seeing, especially in a theater, especially in 3D.

As much as I hate 3D at times films that really embrace it and make it work are the reason 3D is a viable artistic medium, creating emotions that you can with a 2D film, but are over exaggerated when it literally comes out in your face.

If you saw Piranha 3D this is basically the same thing with a bit more surprise and less just pure destruction. If you can’t handle blood you won’t make it through the beginning credits and you sure as hell won’t make it through the rest of the movie.

If our review was for film quality then it would be a 4 out of 10, but luckily our reviews are less snobby than that and based on pure entertainment value. Did you expect fucking citizens cane walking into final destination 5? Or did you expect to be shocked and surprised?

7.5 broken bones out of 10


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